Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
