He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
