Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
