I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
