well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Your cock deserves a montage
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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