Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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