Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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