I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
