i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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