Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
