He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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