Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
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I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
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I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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