He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
