Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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