Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
