Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
