you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
