Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize