I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it was like eating out sand paper
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
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Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".