Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
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cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
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candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.