Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?