Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
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He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night