The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
