The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
