You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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