Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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