Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
