I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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