The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
