I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
