your room smells of hookers.
And success
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
