thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
