i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think people are normalizing furries
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
