i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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