And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I need to calm my uterus...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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