i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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