i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
