This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
