is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I've blown a few things in my day
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
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I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
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I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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