I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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