Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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