Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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