I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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