Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
