there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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