I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
