He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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