yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Boobs are out for the taking
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
