K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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