walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
