We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
