i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
