why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
