The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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