I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
