The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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