I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
