he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
