if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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