Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Two words: blizzard sex
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
