did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Pooping to opera.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
