Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
