Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
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Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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