I hate your face
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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