The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
