we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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