Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
