i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
