Why are handjobs necessary in class?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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