I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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