suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
