Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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