Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
