Me. At least after what I've been through.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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