did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
