Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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