They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
