not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
