I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
