4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
