I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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