Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
