Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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