soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
